The rawness of a day can be so difficult

This post really is a personal reflection. I would never wish people to ever see my site as a selective use and share of just all of the positives. 
Today's service found us trying, with such genuine care and compassion, to say a fond and heartfelt farewell to a gentleman who, having been married twice, had 2 separate but equally important chapters in his life.  Stories and memories were shared to try to recognise  and celebrate each chapter and family. As we closed our final words it was sadly very apparent that the families were ending their time with us in two very different places. Whilst one family had a sense of closure and peace, the other were clearly feeling very isolated and aggrieved by our content. Nothing was going to change this in the immediacy and rawness of the moment. Whilst I could empathise, I just couldn't fix this in the immediate. 
What this sad day has reminded me is of a few simple but quite difficult truths. As we plan, prepare and write a service your loved one we sadly get one window of opportunity to get this right. You each have this single opportunity to share your voice - your memories, stories and thoughts. That window needs taking. As a celebrant we will always make the time to listen to all and to share the voices of all. We take on the responsibility of making it happen and right for all. But in fairness to your celebrant - we simply cant write what we don't know. You would be quite amazed by the amount of brokering that we often discretely do behind the scenes between families! But we take that in our stride as part of our role. 
To end a service being told in no uncertain terms just how "poor" and "unfair" you have been isn't easy or enjoyable  to hear.  We pour endless hours into our work and support of our families (and in truth, not for great financial reward) But we take it on the chin and look to see what we can learn from it and try to change for the next time we find ourselves in this situation. I only hope that, given time, some others are able to take the same amount of reflection and ownership of their choice of words and actions. Grief was a large part of today - but not the only consideration.